


Fifteen Going on Sixty (Going on Fifteen)

by lucathia



Category: The Legend of the Sun Knight
Genre: Female Warrior, Gen, Mystery, Secrets, crossover with another series, eternal youth, random theories, word count: 5000-10000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-08 14:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucathia/pseuds/lucathia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The secret behind the Pope's youth is no small secret. Even the Pope himself has tried to forget, but when Grisia comes too close, the Pope is forced to confront his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secret

When my door flew open, I immediately readied my magic, about to blast the intruder. Whoever had just disturbed me was either very daring to brave my magic traps, or they were just plain dense for not even noticing them or realizing the possibility that they'd be there. As the intruder was trapped in the spells I'd set, I'd say that the intruder belonged to the latter category and lacked a bit in the intelligence department.

With a head of blazing red hair, Fahr's brash student stood frozen before me, trapped by my magic. Only his eyes were capable of moving, and they were wide with shock. I didn't have to glance behind me to know that he'd seen what was in my room, and that really wouldn't do. I'd guarded my secret for way too many years to have a bumbling Blaze Knight-in-training unveil me in such a way.

"Child, you must not remember what you've seen in my room!" I said, and without the least bit of hesitation, I reached out with my magic to erase the last hour of his memories. 

This wasn't the first time I had to do something like this to guard my secret, and I knew it wouldn't be the last. I might have hesitated at one point about the lengths I went through to protect myself, but I was in too deep to change. I was a coward, but if being one meant I could keep my promise, I didn't mind. 

I carefully guided Fahr's student back to the hallways of the Sanctuary of Light. When he shook himself out of his daze, wondering what he was doing here, I nearly thought he would decide to kick my door again. Thankfully, he seemed to recall that he wanted to kick Grisia's door.

From afar, I watched him bounce off. I shook my head, his brashness making me feel nostalgic. _Would he never learn that some doors just can't be kicked? Some secrets are better kept hidden..._

Mine was one such secret, though I really should have expected that the Blaze Knights would always be the ones closest to uncovering me.

I returned to my room and strengthened the traps on my door. 

_I'll have to deduct Fahr's pay once again..._

* * *

_By the fireside, he sits, cooking a pot of stew. When he notices that I'm watching him, he looks up, briefly startled, but then he smiles at me, his smile reaching his clear blue eyes. As he offers me a bowl, the clouds part just in time for the sun to shine down on him, glittering off his golden hair. It's a sight that she would have scoffed at, but I can't say I wasn't spellbound._

_I really wanted to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing right -- who glitters like this anyway? -- but I'm hungry. I take the bowl._

_I'll never forget the taste of that stew._

_"Thanks," I say in a small voice. I was so sure that I'd get chased away, but instead, he offered me kindness. I look up at him questioningly. "Why would you help a stranger?" I ask._

_Right after my question, he blurts his name out, claiming that we're no longer strangers now that I know his name, but oh wait, he still doesn't know mine. If I didn't mind sharing, would I let him know my name?_

_His rambling thoughts put me at ease. I open my mouth. "I'm--"_

* * *

"Pope! It's an emergency!"

Abruptly, my eyes shot open, the scene by the campfire dissolving into the dreamscape. Reality slammed back into place. 

I stumbled out of bed.

* * *

_Don't you dare die, Sun!_

* * *

I hurried inside, so hastily woken that I hadn't even had time to change out of my pajamas. Half of me was still back in the dream, mind not quite caught up. 

Neo Sun sat on the bed with a scowl on his face.

I let myself relax. 

He looked fine. This wasn't going to turn out like _that_ time, when even the amazing recovery abilities of my Sun wasn't enough to save his life. Short of receiving eight slashes from countless bandits again, Neo Sun would always be fine. For that, I was grateful. It meant one less generation of Sun Knights I needed to worry about coming to me at death's door. Sun Knights may be resilient, but they weren't the best at staying uninjured. Trouble had a way of finding them. 

"Have your old bones given up on you?" I quipped. Even as I talked, I gathered holy element to cast healing spells on him.

Neo's scowl darkened. "I'm way younger than you, you old coot."

If only he knew. 

I pouted. "Tsk tsk, you shouldn't be so disrespectful to your elder!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear Pope. I really shouldn't be so disrespectful to such a cute, little elder."

If there was anything I hated in this world more than having the treasury run out, it was getting called old _and_ cute. Neo often did both, rubbing in my two most detested terms. 

I bristled. "Well, if you're healthy enough to throw barbs at me, you're completely fine then."

"That's what I've been telling Chasel," Neo grumbled and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Having my door kicked tonight had brought my past to the forefront of my mind. I glanced over, unable to prevent myself from recalling the blond haired, blue eyed man who had shared his stew with me by the campfire. Neo bore the same blond hair and blue eyes, as did every generation that came before him. I'd seen my share of Sun Knights in my time as the Pope, and each time, I wondered...

Could this be him? Is it him? 

But no matter how closely they resemble his appearance or even his personality, none of them are ever him. None of them have the memories we shared, of adventuring and stumbling upon our companions one by one. 

Neo, I was sure, was definitely not him. They were as different as different could be. After all, the man who had saved my life couldn't even hold a sword correctly. Despite that, we had all chosen for him to become our leader, for we could think of no better person we would rather follow. He was one of a kind, someone who made us believe in the goodness of the world. I was a cynic, but in his presence, even a cynic could turn into an optimist. 

However... Despite his charisma... I wished we had never pushed him to become our leader. 

He hadn't been ready for it. 

He had never been a fighter.

_Sun, you better open your eyes! Damn you! Open your eyes already!_

Neo was definitely not him. Neo was strong, the strongest Sun Knight I've seen. 

He was not him.

I cast one last healing spell over Neo, satisfied that he would be okay.

* * *

"Huh, I'm taller than you now!"

I looked up from behind my veil. Before me stood Neo's student, Grisia. It was vexing that even Grisia, one of the shortest among the thirty-eighth generation of the Twelve Holy Knights, was taller than me now.

"Why'd you choose the appearance of a fifteen year old? You're such a... shrimp." Grisia wrinkled his nose. He had his arms on his hips, and just because he was a little taller than me now, he thought he should bend down, leaning forward to talk to me. 

Despite the prickling feeling in my chest, I brought up my fingers to poke at my cheeks. I'd been letting myself slip too much, the dream affecting me more than I thought. In a singsong, I said, "You're just jealous you're not as cute as me~."

It was a well practiced routine of mine, enough to make everyone think I enjoyed looking cute and being short. After all, who wouldn't enjoy everlasting youth? 

Grisia, like everyone else, took my words at face-value, never stopping to wonder why I always bristled upon being called cute yet turned around in the very next second to use the word myself. 

If I said it enough, maybe one day I'd be able to convince myself.


	2. Siren Call

I hadn't always been a cynic.

There was a time when I believed that everyone had goodness in their hearts. It was what he believed too, and together we were always considered the naivest pair of the group, though my brother did give us a run for our money. Even when my belief began to waver, his presence always made me want to believe all over again. 

Time was what made me into a cynic. Time, and the fact that I would forever have to live with the aftermath. Time, and how it took away my companions one-by-one until I nearly ended up alone.

Time was what I could never win against.

Although people claimed that Grisia was the Sun Knight most like the Sun Knight of legends, the very epitome of perfection, possibly the incarnation of the God of Light Himself, hearing so always amused me. Thankfully, my veil concealed my twitching lips whenever it happened. Otherwise, no one would be able to take me seriously.

It was already difficult for most to take me seriously. If not for my command of holy magic, most would dismiss me as nothing more than a boy despite my years. Having the appearance of a fifteen-year-old boy was truly very inconvenient. It never stopped being so.

No one around me knew the true reason behind my appearance. They thought I was like Neo, that I chased after everlasting youth. 

No one was ever around long enough _and_ had the right clues to figure out the truth.

Until Grisia.

Unfortunately, those clues came from personal experience that I would never wish upon anyone, not even Grisia. 

I should say... especially not Grisia.

He reminded me too much of myself.

* * *

The day Grisia revealed that he'd learned Resurrection, I rolled my eyes at him. "You're putting all the clerics in the world to shame!"

Inwardly, I was alarmed. I thought he would be like all the other Sun Knights before him and be on the receiving end of getting injured and healed. It was an inconvenience, but I was confident that no Sun Knight would die under my watch. I would never let it happen again. 

I didn't think I'd have to look out for this too, that I would have to watch him walk down a path of no return. 

It wasn't like Grisia was a cleric no matter how much we joked about it!

Resurrection was a double-edged sword. I hoped he would never have to use it, but like a siren's call, once you're exposed to it, it becomes nearly impossible to resist. He was bound to become careless, to think that he could conquer death. 

I knew all too well the allure of Resurrection. I also knew all too well the dangers of Resurrection.

I'd personally experienced both.

* * *

_Sun, you can't die!_

_If you die, what path would we follow?_

_We would be lost!_

* * *

When sunlight streamed in from my windows, I rolled over and planted my face into my pillow. The pillow grew moist. I breathed in and out, trying to reorient myself. It had been _years_ since I last dreamed of his death, but even now, I remembered it vividly. 

I could never forget.

Not his pale countenance. Not the stricken looks on everyone's faces. Not the rough gravel below my knees. Not the taste of blood on my lips. 

I'd bitten on my lips so hard that I'd drawn blood.

How could I ever forget?

It didn't help that golden-haired, blue-eyed men reminded me of him at every turn, and each time they got hurt, I would remember. Though they might all be loved by the God of Light, none were as loved as he had been, and even then, he had gotten hurt beyond our control.

This time, the memory was triggered because of a different reason.

Grisia had learned Resurrection.

_Do you mock me, God?_

_Do you?_

* * *

The first time Grisia returned from using Resurrection, I actually dared to hope that he hadn't been affected. He was just as cheeky as ever, and his physical appearance was still the same. I paid particular attention to his hair, but it looked untouched. Then again, I could not tell that Ceo's hair was dyed, so perhaps God had struck willfully again, and it was just that Grisia had covered it up. After all, Grisia would never let himself appear in public without looking perfect.

When I found out that what Grisia had paid was his sight, I was actually relieved.

It was a small price compared to what I...

It was a small price.

Perhaps even God had learned what true benevolence was among mortals.

* * *

When that child Lesus fell, I knew without a doubt that Grisia would never abandon him, and he would never leave Lesus's revival to chance. 

I had once been that way too, but even if I wanted to risk myself, I no longer could.

I had nothing more to give that God wanted.

I would not be able to convince Grisia not to use Resurrection. His mind was set. Not even his holy knights would be able to convince him otherwise, so who was I to speak?

I had not been able to prevent Lesus's death. I had not been able to protect Grisia. Once again, I had failed. Once again, I realized how powerless I was despite all my years as the Pope. 

Even after all these years, wasn't I still that same naive fifteen-year-old boy who thought he could protect his comrades from the world?

How laughingly naive of me. Though I may be the Pope, that didn't mean I had become all powerful. I never did learn, did I?

I busied myself with taking out boxes of powdered gemstones from my bookcase.

When Grisia said that he would not lose anything too serious, not if the God of Light wanted him to continue being the Sun Knight, I could not help but retort that it was just his guess. 

God had never said so.

God had never cared about the position of the Sun Knight.

God had only ever cared about...

I _knew_ this even though Grisia thought my words to be conjecture.

But all I could do was continue drawing the magic circle and hope that bringing out all of my most expensive ingredients to assist in drawing the circle would aid Grisia enough that God might change His mind.

Although I was not loved by God, I hoped that our comradeship would at least sway His mind. 

As I drew the circle, I could not help but wonder if I was secretly wishing...

No.

Even I was not that cruel, right?

I would not wish _that_ upon anyone else.

But when Lesus opened his eyes and Grisia's hair turned white, I could not understand the emotion coursing through me.

I gulped.

_No..._

While the Twelve Holy Knights looked relieved that Grisia's hair turned white...

While Grisia himself thought nothing of it and merely covered it up with magic...

I reached up to my own white hair.

No one knew that my white hair had not resulted because of my age.

It was the result of Resurrection.


	3. Stalemate

Over and over, I saw gold seep back into Grisia's hair, traveling down to the very tips, as he covered his white hair with holy element. 

Then came his smile, his reassurance that he was _completely_ fine, but what did he know? _Nothing._

It was all a lie. He thought he had snatched the life of his friend back with only a small price. He didn't know...

What have you done, Grisia, what have I done, how could I have let this happen, Sun please forgive me, I couldn't protect them, not Lesus, not Grisia, not anyone-

_"Watch over them, won't you?"_

_"F-fine! I will!"_

Sun, this promise is really too hard to keep.

* * *

Watching Neo walk over with Aldrizzt by his side was always another blast from the past. This time, I almost cried out, "Br-" before I remembered where I was.

How silly of me. They were all long gone, even my brother who had tried to hang on as long as possible. This was Neo who was in front of me, along with a _dark_ elf. He may have pointy ears, but that didn't mean a thing.

_But Aldrizzt's kindness..._

It was really nostalgic.

I pulled my composure together, but when Neo went off drinking and crossing swords with each of the current Twelve Holy Knights, I couldn't help stealing Aldrizzt away to my study, luring him with tea and books. It was true that he was well versed in magic and I itched to pick his brain, but a large part of me just wanted to bask in his presence as well as the assurance that I would not have to watch him age before my eyes, at least not for a good long while. 

He was safe to be around. For now. Of course, the negative side was that he would definitely discover my secret one day, but it wasn't like he would have anyone to tell it to by then. 

Except maybe Grisia.

Grisia...

I'd really failed Sun this time. 

I watched Aldrizzt study the magic tomes. If my brother had met a dark elf, how would he have reacted? Dark elves were said to be malicious, the epitome of evilness, but Aldrizzt didn't fit the mold at all. If my brother had met Aldrizzt, he too would surely have liked him. 

In the middle of our discussion, I asked out of the blue, "How old are you, Aldrizzt?"

He paused and glanced up from the magic tome he had been deciphering. One strand of white hair slipped in front of him. He casually tucked it behind his ear and said, "One hundred and thirty-six."

"Really young then," I said while tapping the table. 

He chuckled and lifted an eyebrow. He must have gotten that from Neo, but on him, the look was much less mocking. "You call that young? It's true that I'm young among dark elves, but one hundred years is definitely a lot for humans, right?"

Indeed, one hundred years was a lot. Let alone... 

"You'd be surprised," I murmured. 

Aldrizzt smiled easily as we continued rambling on about theories so complicated that Grisia's mind would surely fry itself if he were to listen in. As we compared notes, I even attempted several spells like a giddy little kid trying to show off.

_Brother, look! Look what I just learned!_

In Aldrizzt's presence, I half wanted to pretend to be an actual fifteen year old. 

But that was silly.

That time was long gone. 

My eyes slid downward to my untouched tea, the reflection there taunting me.

Mocking me.

_Baby-face._

* * *

_"Baby-face! Toss us a Light Shield!"_

_I wrinkle my nose at getting called that. "I'll grow out of this soon, just you wait!"_

_A hand comes down to ruffle my hair. I pout._

_"Sure, sure, and I'm gonna be rich, right?" he quips. It's as likely as my growing taller. In other words, unlikely._

_With two knives in his hand, he leaps right into danger, like always. I hurriedly cast Light Shield to protect him._

_Another hand pats me on the shoulder. "You've gotten really good at casting that."_

_I crane my head. My brother smiles at me. I smile back, basking in the praise. Still, my neck really hurts from having to crane my neck like this._

_"Will I grow taller one day?" I blurt out, worried. What if I always stayed looking like this?_

_My brother doesn't answer "of course" like many others would. He's honest to a fault, but his honesty isn't ever cutting. It's because he only ever thinks the best of everyone._

_"You're fine as you are!" he says and smiles._

_I smile hesitantly. He's right. I'm fine as I am. One day, I'll grow up! There's no rush!_

_Meanwhile, I'll continue protecting everyone! I can do it! If I can even bring Sun back to life, there's nothing I can't do!_

__

* * *

Hah. I seriously thought I would grow out of my baby face. I'd always been teased about it, and I'd always replied that I'd grow out of it. Metal, having never been rich, always joked that when I lost my baby face would be when he became rich. 

He never did become rich.

They hadn't known anything was wrong until much later. I hadn't either. We all thought that it was only just that my hair had lost its color. 

Nothing big, right?

Yeah right.

I'd always been teased about being baby-faced, but when even the densest among us, the loud and brash Blaze, noticed that something wasn't quite adding up, it was already too late.

_I'm scared, Brother._

_What's happening to me?_

_Why do I still look like this?_

_They're gone... There's no one left..._

_Don't worry, I'll always be with you._

_You'll be fine!_

_..._

_Brother, you liar._

_Brother..._

_Brother, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You never lie, right?_

_You'll be with me, always... right?_

_Please..._

_Please don't leave me._

* * *

Rescuing Grisia from Charlotte was dead exhausting. It had been ages since I was such an integral part of the fighting. My hands twitched as I watched undead creatures flood the streets. I half felt like I should have a weapon in my hands instead of a staff, but that wasn't my job here. 

Eleven of the Twelve Holy Knights stood in battle formation around me, facing outwards with my presence in the center. Their backs were so familiar, so comforting, so similar to the figures in my memory. There stood Blaze with fiery red hair, Cloud with his light-footed steps, Metal with his throwing knives, Moon with his chin lifted high, Stone with his broad shoulders, Ice with his cold demeanor, Hell with his seriousness, Storm with his powerful kicks, Judgment with justice about to be served...

Except, my brother was no longer around... my spot was filled by another... and I stood in the position of their missing leader.

_Grisia... you really are too much._

Never had a Sun Knight, not since that first time -- that was warning enough -- died under my watch. I'd even nursed that one guy who got stabbed through the heart back to life... but Grisia was even harder to deal with than him! At least Mr. I-Got-Stabbed-Through-the-Heart never went and got himself kidnapped so soon after going missing (with amnesia even), and neither did he ever play with fire like Grisia always did. 

_You shouldn't have ever touched Resurrection, Grisia._

Countless undead creatures closed in around us. I cast minor healing spells when necessary, but I saved my reserve. I eyed Charlotte and Stephen. They were too close to the ice crystal that Grisia was encased in for us to make a move. 

Just as I was thinking this, Lesus threw the Divine Sun Sword right at the crystal, his aim true. Both Charlotte and Stephen had no choice but to swerve out of the way with such an entity of pure holy element flying at them. A crack appeared in the crystal.

The battle raged on, the stalemate unbroken. Or so I thought. Holy element enveloped the Twelve Holy Knights, their movements becoming swifter and their bodies impervious.

I grinned. Grisia was awake.

_Distract them,_ I tried to say via psychic magic. _I'm the Pope._

I doubted Grisia got all of the message, but I felt his sensing ability settle on me. I then proceeded to flap my arms. I pointed at myself and Lesus. When Grisia replied to me, I heaved an internal sigh of relief.

_Grisia will be fine..._

Grisia's methods of distraction were truly ingenious. A large amount of dark element gathered in the sky, and then suddenly, Stephen's arm burst into dark flames. Soon after, a nearby building also burst into flames. While Charlotte and Stephen were distracted by the two bursts of dark elemental magic, I gathered wind element, grabbed Lesus, and flew us into the air.

Lesus's eyes promised retribution like none other. 

_You dare hurt Sun, and I will hunt you down._

Though she always pretended him to be an annoyance, she was always the first to save his hide. He was our bumbling Sun, and no one else's.

When we were finally close enough, I flung Lesus forward with a burst of wind element, and watched as he crashed against the floating crystal. He grabbed the Divine Sun Sword and twisted it. Then, in one slash, he sliced off the top part of the crystal. Immediately, wind element tore at the crystal, no doubt Grisia's own handiwork. The crystal shattered into a million pieces.

Grisia was free.

Lesus grabbed onto Grisia's shoulder, holding him close.

I floated down to the earth. 

The battle raged on, but I had no doubt we would win it, the stalemate finally broken.

* * *

When Grisia eventually defeated Charlotte, I thought my part was done. I helped clean up, and then I headed back to the Sanctuary of Light.

Not long after, Metal came pounding on my door. I hadn't even parted from them for all that long. _What now?_ was all I thought.

I never thought...

He led me to the conference room without telling me why, but a dreadful sense of déjà vu came over me, the scene all too familiar. Metal didn't seem to know how to explain and merely gestured for me to hurry. His knuckles were white, his face pale.

_Sun, you...you! How dare you..._

"What is up with all the mysterious..." I started to say.

My voice died. 

_How dare you die on us!_

Metal's anguish back then had always been the worst. I stopped dead in my tracks. I stared disbelievingly. 

Grisia lay on top of the table, his eyes wide. He had not passed away in peace. Below him was a black robe -- _definitely Lesus's,_ my mind supplied inanely. Grisia's white hair stood out all the more against it, reminding me once more the life Grisia would have been subject to.

Was this... actually escape for him?

Eleven pairs of grim eyes stared imploringly at me.

They wanted me to resurrect him.

I wanted to resurrect him.

But all I could think...

...was that death might be kinder. 

_Grisia, you can escape my fate..._

_...you can escape..._

But I had made a promise to Sun. 

I would watch over them all.

Voices pleaded with me left and right. 

_How could this have happened?_

_He has God's favor!_

_What are we to do now..._

_D-Don't worry! I...I can bring h-him back!_

And now I would do the same once more.

It wasn't really for their sakes.

Don't leave me too, Grisia.

Don't leave.


	4. Silence

Death truly would have been kinder.

Death existed for a reason. It was the natural way of things, for life to eventually come to an end. Only then could new life emerge, just as winter blankets the ground with stillness and spring brings forth emerging buds. If not for the cold silence of winter, what meaning would there be in the warmth of spring? 

If any of Grisia's holy knights knew what I was currently thinking, they would not want me in the same room as him.

I watched his chest rise up and down. He was undoubtedly alive and breathing. We had wrested him back from the clutches of death. None of them could imagine not doing so, and I had not been able to turn them down -- I'd wanted Grisia back too.

_How could I let Sun die?_

Yet, the first thing Grisia had done after his revival was to try to kill himself. He didn't even _know_ about... and he'd already wanted to die.

I swallowed with much difficulty, hand reaching out to Grisia's hair. With Grisia unconscious, there was of course no way he could do anything about the color of his hair. The white strands slipped through my fingers, falling against the gag we had to tie around his mouth. 

The result of bringing Grisia back was worse than I could have ever imagined. He was incoherent. Dark blades rained down on him the minute he woke again. I warded the room to prevent him from using magic. He stole the fork that came with his meal the next time he woke. We tied him to the bed and took away all utensils. 

Then, we found blood trickling down his chin. I was almost too late to heal him, his tongue a mangled mess.

Each of his holy knights had hoped that his mind was merely momentarily confused after the resurrection, but it was not so. I was deathly afraid that this was exactly the price he had had to pay because of my incompetence.

Insanity. Never-ending insanity.

No one dared to voice it.

Resurrection truly wasn't to be trifled with. Death was natural. Death, in a sense, was freedom. Just like how the undead should not interfere with the living, there must always come a time when the living must depart. Detained beyond one's time, what would be left? 

Nothing, not even sanity.

My fingers moved down, ghosting across the cloth tied around his mouth. 

It would be... simple to remove such a flimsy construct.

* * *

But...

* * *

_I cover my mouth to hold my laughter in. Even after all these years, my older brother still makes me feel like I'm the older one. Now more than ever. He tilts his head at me. I sigh in exasperation._

_"Brother, you should go." I urge him once more._

_"Won't you come with me?" he asks. He has asked many times, and my answer has never changed. With a quiver of arrows across his back, he's ready to depart. He has longed for the forest. I am the only thing holding him back._

_But I must stay._

_I gaze at him, laughter melting away. My brother stands tall, hair and eyes just like the forest he longs for, a beautiful, lively green. The forest calls to him, but it is not my place. I explain, "They wouldn't welcome me there."_

_Even his own standing is shaky. He can't afford to worry over me too._

_He frowns. "I'll stay too then."_

You've stayed long enough, Brother. 

_"You don't have to," I say._

_"I promised Mother I would watch over you until you married," he says, just like I expected he would._

_I force a smile. "I think my case is a little different. I doubt Mother foresaw this."_

_I gesture at myself. I don't particularly like looking at my reflection. A veil can hide my face, but it doesn't change anything._

Me, get married? Brother, you're too optimistic.

_"Didn't she say that she hopes I can attend your wedding too?" I end up saying. "I guess I will be able to after all. So off you go. Find yourself a nice elven bride. I want to have a sister-in-law, okay? Don't worry, you won't miss my marriage."_

* * *

Of course, he refused to go. My brother's thinking was always terribly rigid. He was almost as bad as Stone. He never ever changed his mind, but I couldn't have him estranged from the forest forever. It wasn't until a female elf started pursuing him that I was finally able to convince him that Mother's second wish was important too, that I get to attend his wedding. And the only reason why that actually convinced him was because he'd decided that he should find me an elven bride too, so that I wouldn't have to watch her grow old before my eyes. Which meant he had to move back to the forest in order for him to find me a suitable candidate.

Silly brother. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd probably outlive her too. I didn't want to think of the possibility... because it would mean thinking about how I'd eventually outlive my brother as well. 

Truly, who would've thought that I would be able to attend my brother's wedding? Mother thought I would be dead by the time that happened. By normal human lifespans, unless my brother married when he was not even a full adult yet, there was no way I could have attended his wedding. 

But I did.

* * *

Can I even still be considered human?

* * *

_"Congratulations," I say._

_He smiles. "Thank you, Brother, for coming."_

_We walk side-by-side to the top of a cliff overlooking a beautiful ocean. The silence is peaceful, broken only by the gentle lapping of waves. It has been many, many years since our last visit. Moss grows on the large boulder by the cliff side. I sit down, fingers threading through the grass below us, and start talking to our dear friends who have returned to the earth before us. I breathe in deeply. The air is fresh and invigorating, filled with the scent of dirt and grass._

_"Sun, guess what?" I say. "Brother has gotten married!"_

_Then, I cover my yawn, I really should not have stayed up so late, and share a grin with my brother, basking in the gentle quietness of the cliff side._

* * *

I'd wished time could stop then.

* * *

I sighed and retracted my hand. Grisia continued to sleep on, mouth bound by cloth, by everyone's attempt to tie him down and keep him with us. It was truly a flimsy construct, this last barrier between Grisia and death, yet at the same time, these ties of theirs were much stronger than I could ever be. 

If only I were stronger, he would not be in this state.

Grisia, what is troubling you? Why have you given up? 

I smiled bitterly to myself. With all the years before us, even if Grisia committed a grave mistake, there would be time yet to make amends. Even if amends could not be made, well, time would eventually dull the pain and memories. 

I'd be a hypocrite to preach this though.

_Brother, you liar._

_You said you would always be with me!_

_Brother..._

_Damn you, wake up!_

_Wake up..._

_Why won't you open your eyes?_

One more step, and I would have tumbled off the cliff. The very same cliff where my brother and I had shared laughter and stories.

Resurrection doesn't do a damn thing with those who die of old age. 

I could only console myself with the fact that I had been able to keep my brother company through the years. What else could I tell myself? At least my brother never had to go through the pain of losing me, unlike how we had had to watch all the others die. Each time we lost one of our companions, my heart clenched, but I would thank God that my brother didn't have to go through it alone.

But... years and years later, when I returned to that cliff, there was no longer anyone by my side. And I realized that the only reason I had been able to stay sane throughout the years was because of my brother's presence. Any shred of optimism I had left died along with my brother. I stared down into the depths of the water below, dark brown eyes staring back at me, framed by a childish face. I couldn't even find a trace of my brother in me. His face had always been angular while mine would never grow out of its juvenile appearance.

With tears stinging my eyes, I'd screamed and screamed, pain seizing my throat, my eyes, my heart.

How could it hurt so much?

Why was I still alive?

No matter how I screamed, the silence was deafening. When I finally could no longer scream, I pressed my eyes fiercely, trying to stop my tears. I shifted, rocks crumbling below my feet, the edge ever so close. Maybe it was because I had my eyes covered, but I suddenly heard the lapping of waves below when no such sounds had reached me earlier. I flinched, and glanced below without thinking.

Immediately, I froze.

It was hard to tell with the drop so far down. Who knew if my mind was playing tricks on me or not? I hated looking at myself, but with that one glance, all thoughts of jumping flew out of my mind. Instead, I slowly climbed down, but not without scraping my skin. I scaled the cliff and dropped down the rest of the way with the help of the wind element.

Then, I peered down into the water.

Green eyes stared back.

Just like my brother's.

I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed hysterically, the silence completely shattered by my insanity. 

At the... at the very least, I could remember him this way. And maybe hate my appearance less. But they were all gone. Truly all gone. What kind of freak was I, to outlive even those with the longest lifespans? Even my brother...

I looked down at Grisia, my bitter smile frozen on my face.

Grisia, don't worry. I'll be here.

It was laughable to think that if Grisia were not insane, the Cathedral of the Shadow God would support him instead of Roland under the claim that... the undead should never interfere with the living.

Then what about...someone like me? Someone like... Grisia? 

I doubted we were any better than the undead.

An immortal demon king...


	5. Security

At one point in time, I supposed I could be considered born of money, but it had never been mine, and I'd had to leave it all behind.

Back then, it had never really mattered all that much to me, whether I had money or not, but when it became apparent that my time had stopped... Well, even the smallest of victories started meaning all that much more. 

They were hollow victories, but victories nonetheless, empty rooms filled not with the laughter of companions, but rather coins and treasures that would secure the future. 

_Can you give these funds, this map, and these provisions to my brother? I'm sure he will probably refuse to return to the forest though. If that's the case, give these to him, okay? I'm counting on you!_

_Young Master, what about you?_

_Me? Don't worry! Knowing that my brother will at least have travel fare already puts me much more at ease!_

Even back then, money had made things much easier.

Much, much easier.

* * *

I drew forth abundant water element, placing the final seal on the Divine Sun Sword. 

"Here." I gave a nod at the sword, indicating for Grisia to take it. He stepped forward, sleeves loose on him as he reached a hand out. Half a year of being stuck in bed had made him thin -- I supposed a nicer way of putting it would be "slender," but that wasn't the main point.

I swept my eyes across his figure. He and the rest of the Twelve Holy Knights were all in their early twenties. A few years wouldn't and shouldn't change their appearances too much, not even by the time they reached their late twenties. It hadn't even been all that long since the moment his time had stopped either. Yet, compared to his peers, Grisia was already starting to look younger. 

The signs were there. The differences could be chalked up to how Grisia had spent half a year confined to bed and the month before that frozen in a crystal, but that wasn't so, was it? 

No, it definitely wasn't so, and no one knew better than I did. I could be wrong, but that was highly unlikely. 

Should I tell him?

I should tell him.

Knowing could factor into any decisions Grisia might make. The Cathedral of the Shadow God wanted Grisia to be the Demon King over Roland, but that was because they didn't want an undead creature to interfere with the living world.

But was someone like Grisia any better?

Grisia touched his hair, a heavy expression on his face. I nearly wanted to turn away. 

Despite holding the Divine Sun Sword in his hand, his hair had not become much more golden than before. It was still a pale golden with only a thin layer of holy element coloring it. With the Divine Sun Sword sealed, Grisia could not borrow much of its holy light.

"This seal is quite strong," he said wryly, gripping the Divine Sun Sword so hard that his knuckles turned white. He angled his head to "look" in my direction. "Just what other skills have you been hiding, huh?"

"Countless things, of course," I quipped. 

Countless things...

He loosened his grip, but I'd already seen enough.

First, his eyes. Then, his life. And now, his holy abilities. In front of Grisia, I was truly just a coward, always hiding behind veils and the safety of lies. But even with the veil, it would no longer take much for Grisia to see through me.

I should tell him.

But I wasn't ready.

Instead, I said, "I finished drawing a magic circle outside the city." 

Coward. 

"A magic circle? For what?" Grisia asked. 

Grisia was no dimwit. He would put two and two together in no time at all if I said anything.

I waved my hand in the air. "It'll take you to the forest. You and the others can change into adventurer outfits there. I've already given all the necessary things to your Storm Knight."

Outfits. Paperwork. Funds. Everything they would need to be an adventurer team so that they could sneak into the Cathedral of the Shadow God undetected.

_"A bard, a warrior, a thief, an archer, a cleric-"_

_"I-I can fight too!"_

_"What a perfect adventurer team!"_

_"I-I said, I c-can fight too!"_

_"If only we had enough money to register our team..."_

A crooked smile came over my face at the thought of what their reactions might be like once they found out the name I had prepared for their adventurer team. _Moneyless Squad._ Money might not buy happiness, but it sure gave you a lot more options.

Once Grisia returns, I'll tell him.

I'll tell him then...

* * *

Grisia didn't return.

I could only smile bitterly at my cowardice. The world had nearly been engulfed by darkness, yet here I was, relieved that the choice had been taken out of my hands.

What a hypocrite I was, yearning for control yet fearing it. 

Would Grisia have made a different decision if I'd told him? 

It was too late to wonder now. 

With one last mark, I finished tallying up the current funds we had. As always, money was all I could turn to. When all was said and done, at least cold, hard cash couldn't lie, my eternal companion when all else was too painful. 

I couldn't tell him, but at the very least, I could give his companions a helping hand with the necessary funding.

The usual funds I allocated for everyday use wouldn't be enough. We would actually have to dig into the funds I had set aside for emergencies. Well, if this wasn't an emergency, then I didn't know what would count as one. They really should thank me for all that I'd helped the Church save up over the years.

When I looked up, the golden-haired man before me was curiously examining the outfit I had him try on. He was, of course, not Grisia. Even if Grisia were here, his hair would not be golden.

"This is better than anything you've ever had tailored for us in the past!" Neo remarked. "Has age addled your mind?"

"Of course not." _Perhaps it has._ "I just know the art of self-preservation! Grisia would never forgive me if I let his holy knights out to battle in paper-thin armor."

Blue eyes regarded me skeptically, so much like another pair of blue eyes from a lifetime ago, minus the skepticism, of course. I don't think he even knew what it meant to doubt. 

"He is the Demon King, you know," I explained with a helpless shrug. 

Neo tugged his shirt on. The sleeve of his missing right arm hung uselessly. These Sun Knights seriously had no sense of self-preservation! "Bah. Demon King or not, he's Grisia!"

Neo was right. Demon King or not, Grisia was Grisia.

And one day, when everyone was gone, we would still be left.

I fussed over my papers, stacking them neatly.

Logically speaking, I had no need to involve myself with current affairs. Grisia had become the Demon King for the sake of the world. Though I had yet to tell him the consequence of resurrecting Lesus, we had time yet. I could even tell him once everything was over. With him so far away, he might even be able to peacefully endure the passing years without having to see his companions pass away in front of him.

But... what was logic, anyway?

That path would only lead to regret. 

And I'm done with regrets.

* * *

_"Brother, what's with the veil?" After speaking, he tilts his head curiously at me._

_"He asked me to watch over them all... His students, our students... the future... I... Do you think I look more dependable like this?"_

_Sun, have I become a little more dependable?_

_My brother smiles and pats me on the shoulder. "Brother, you've always been dependable." He pauses. "But you've really been collecting a lot of jewels and trinkets lately... Do you like jewels, Brother?"_

_"Ah, that? No, no, I don't particularly like jewels or anything..."_

* * *

It's just that having them makes me feel a lot safer.

* * *

Laughingly enough, the king wanted the Church to pay the expenses for dealing with the undead creatures that were running about. While I was prepared for the Church to splurge on new equipment and armor, that was money spent on our own holy knights. There was no reason for us to pay adventurers. 

The king was relentless though, in wanting to deduct funds from the Church. How silly of him to think he could take advantage of the Church while Grisia wasn't here! Just who does he think I am?

The king rubbed his temples. Our conversation was going nowhere. Just like our last one. And the one before that. 

"Your Holiness," he tried again. "You and I both know that undead creatures are the Church's responsibility-" 

I cut him off. "Yes, and you and I both know that most of the undead creatures are appearing in the Kingdom of Kissinger, which we are not responsible for. Besides, this is all just a sham anyway, to make sure Grisia doesn't get bored."

He fell silent, his face weary. It was with a sigh that he said, "Exactly. We both know who the Demon King is. Considering his identity, don't you agree that the Church should have some responsibility for what is currently happening?"

Oh. _Oh._ So that's how you want to play it, Archer. Too bad for you, you're just a fledgling. 

I'd basically watched him grow up. Did he really think he could win against me? Try again in a different lifetime, boy.

I splayed my hands out. "Really, Archer? If you go through with deducting funds from the Church, I'll head directly to the Demon King's Castle and tell Grisia!"

"You!" the king spluttered. "You wouldn't... dare..."

I wouldn't dare? Oh Archer, I've lived too long to be afraid of the Demon King. 

I shrugged. "Losing face, losing my life, what does it matter? You won't get a cent out of the Church! If you're so foolish, we can just perish together!"

The king groaned. I still remembered when he had been a tiny little thing, with wide-eyes and chubby cheeks. But he'd been forced to grow up before his time, a child taking on the responsibilities of an adult, all because of his irresponsible father. Even at ten, he'd already been taller than me, his face angular, and he'd carried himself just like an adult. But beneath all of that, he had still been a child. 

Just the opposite of me, really, an adult stuck as a kid. 

It was a bit mean of me to bully him like this. Here he was, the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders. That child forced to grow up before his time was now a resigned adult with nowhere to turn.

But although he had been kind enough to provide the Holy Temple funds to crusade against the Demon King, that didn't mean I had to return the favor. If I didn't put my foot down, he would think he could walk all over the Church! 

That _really_ wouldn't do.

* * *

Holy knights and clerics stretched as far as my eyes could see.

The sight before me wasn't unfamiliar, but it had been a long time since I'd seen so many troops gathered all in one place. Recent years had been so peaceful that the Holy Temple didn't even keep as many holy knights as it used to keep in the past. Companies of knights had even shrunk down into knight platoons. That had taken some time to get used to.

The new uniforms and armor made the holy knights look quite striking.

In many ways, I'd failed Grisia. I'd failed to stop him from using Resurrection. I'd failed to stop him from leaving. I'd failed, really.

But damn it all if I'd let myself fail in something as easy as outfitting his holy knights. He really would never forgive me if I let them come to harm.

If something could be solved with money, then it really wasn't a problem at all. 

I gripped the staff in my hand. 

I can fight too, in my own way!


End file.
